The Invisible Wall

Walls.  Vertical structures that stop something from going or coming; sometimes only a couple of feet in height- sometimes a million feet in height.  Sometimes a gigantic box with no windows or breathing room.  Walls are a problem for me.  I don't know any other way of saying it, but I build walls all the time.  Walls too keep people out and walls to keep me in. 
One of my greatest regrets is I tend to stay in my own little world; wither it is because people have pushed me there or I've decided it's what I want to do- either way I need a wrecking ball to tear them down!   I feel ashamed to say that I have cancelled many friend "dates" because I don't really feel like going to a movie that day, or I am notorious for "Aw, I can't! I am already doing _____."  For the most part I actually do have other things going on, but there have been times of bagging out.  Times of excuses.
My boyfriend has really helped me to break down the walls one by one and I am happy to say that I haven't had issues with excuses or cancelled shopping days in quite some time now.  He is a very communicative person and he likes to be in constant communication about anything and everything that is going on in his life.  I am so grateful for that- it has helped me to be more open about things in my life that bother me or issues that I have in my personal life.  He doesn't judge anything I confide in him, and joking is out the window when I have something "serious" to explain.  I have had alot of people do the same, but for some reason I feel like there is a connection with him that is like we have known each other for a hundred years ;)  I know it is corny- but it's true!!  I think that we communicate very well.  There are days that I'm a little slow in the understanding department, don't get me wrong, but regardless of how much I "think" I'm right or he is right, we always work through problems; always break down more pieces of the dreaded WALL.
Some days it is hard to put on a happy face, others it is a piece of cake.  I like cake... I would much rather be the happy cake lady than the sour lemon face.  Walls are a terrible lesson that was mine to learn; one that I'm happy to be almost rid of.  Mr. Wall is a buddy that I'm happy to cancel on or make excuses to.  I have learned to embrace who I am and not let other people ruin my day with their opinions of how I should be living my life.  With God on my side who can go against me?  With Christ ALL things are possible, the Bible tells me.  I believe it!  He brought Brad into my life- right when I needed him the most.  It makes me so emotional to think that I have the love of someone so special!  Someone that sees the good in me- never choosing to focus on the bad, ridiculous or the past.  It's all forward from here!  With each day that passes, I have more patience, love, faith, hope, STRENGTH, and understanding.... Mr. Wall is invisible to others, but quite clear to me- GET OUT OF HERE you dirty rotten scoundrel!! ;)

I'll climb over Mr. Wall!!